Here I am, sitting on a bench on 21st next to two of my best friends. Cars are whipping past us, messing up our hair as we laugh and take in the humid breeze of a Nashville summer night, making plans for the rest of our lives. Then laughing about them no more than five minutes later because we don’t even know what we’re doing tomorrow.
That’s the thing about life, isn’t it?
We can make all the plans in the world, but at the end of the day, we don’t even have tomorrow promised.
If I told junior year Tailah that in a year she would have chopped off her hair, gotten a piercing for fun, stopped working her office job, and chose to be single (and was actually over the moon about it) She would have freaked. the heck. out.
If you don’t know me, you’re probably confused as to why those random changes are significant.
All those things listed up there, those seemingly unimportant actions, were me conquering fears I’ve had for years.
1. The hair.
My best friend in the 6th grade chopped off all of my hair after promising me gorgeous layers. I looked like a raggedy Anne doll. I swore I’d never cut my hair again because I didn’t want to be ugly.
I don’t know what you put your beauty and identity in, but in my case, it wasn’t Jesus. That big chop symbolized me letting go of that. Afterwards, I felt free, beautiful, and new!
2. The piercing.
I’ve always had a phobia of needles. I once ran out of a doctor’s office (at age 17) because I didn’t want to get my finger pricked. I’m not kidding. Since freshman year of high school, I’ve always wanted a cartilage piercing, but my fear of needles and pain kept me from doing something I wanted to for years.
I don’t know what your needle is, but I promise you, the pain and fear lasts only a moment. Maybe yours is a toxic relationship you’re too scared to leave. Maybe it’s going on a roller coaster or surrendering your entire heart to Jesus, which means surrendering some things in your life.
Whatever the fear is- when we step out in faith, we discover that thing we were terrified of, in reality, is so small.
You see, fear reflects the true character of satan.
he likes to blow things up and out of proportion. he makes tiny, minuscule sins or fears seem giant. Just like shadow puppets.
Jesus has conquered all darkness, including fear. This means that when we speak his name over our anxieties and circumstances, fear has to leave.
Then we put that faith into action and it’s just like getting on that ride as a kid—it was fun?! We realize that we were terrified for no reason!
3. The job.
I have a fear of disappointing my parents. As a result of this, I was the perfect child in high school and even chose what major to pursue based solely on the fact that it pleased them. I grew up in a huge family business, and if you weren’t an entrepreneur, there was something wrong with you.
The Lord has been guiding me towards a career centered around creativity, ministry, music, and writing rather than one centered around crunching numbers and analyzing data.
I felt like an outcast and disappointment because the desires of my heart seemed unrealistic and unconventional to the people I cared most about.
But God keeps reminding me that as we stay in His perfect will, He works everything out for good. He will bring healing, restoration, and beauty out of seemingly barren situations.
If I’m being honest, I wouldn’t have chosen this situation for myself, but I trust that Jesus knows exactly what He’s doing in my life. He knows all the songs I’m going to write, the paintings, and the words that will touch people’s hearts and fulfill the purposes He has for me on this earth. And He knows all of yours, too.
I used to think shut doors were, well, shut doors. They were simply rejections, redirections, and His pruning so I would bear more fruit in the future.
And sometimes that is all they are.
But tonight, He showed me they’re a little something more in this season. He showed me that those shut doors were building blocks. That there was a specific purpose and position for each and every hard ‘no’ I’ve faced in these past months. They’re taking me higher, and to a specific place. I have no idea what God is building out of my life, but that’s the beauty of it.
It gives Him the glory He deserves.
It shows us that He was in every step—the desert, the waiting, the frustration, and the outpour.
When we look back in six months or two years, we will see all the divine ways He orchestrated our paths to get us exactly where we needed to be to touch all the lives we were predestined to.
Too many of us think that we were an accident.
Did you know that God named all of the stars? All the billions and billions of stars in billions and billions of galaxies—if he knows each and every star by name, of course He knows what He is doing in your life! Of course He cares!
In fact, He placed you in your school, in your home, and in your workplace to make an impact and to change lives because you were chosen by Him for such a time as this (Esther 4:14).
No one else has a fingerprint, tongue print, and footprint like yours. This means you are called to touch people’s lives like no one else, to speak like no one else, and to walk a path like no one else (Seeley, Tailor Made).
Revel in the unknowing. Rest in the rainstorm. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that no one else has a clue of what they’re doing tomorrow, much less five years.
Release all that anxiety and remind yourself that His plans and purposes are far greater than our own. He writes the most beautiful stories; all we must do is hand over the pen.
“Go ahead and make all the plans you want, but it’s the Lord who will ultimately direct your steps. We are all in love with our own opinions, convinced they’re correct. But the Lord is in the midst of us, testing and probing our every motive. Before you do anything, put your trust totally in God and not in yourself. Then every plan you make will succeed. The Lord works everything together to accomplish his purpose.” Proverbs 16:1-4
“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9
Prayer:
God, thank you that you are in the midst of this. That you are detail-oriented and that you see and care about my pain. You see all of my confusion, anxieties, and fears, yet you choose me anyway. I ask in the name of Jesus, that you would increase my faith and trust in You. Holy Spirit, would you stir in my heart and remove anything that is not of You. I lay all of my worry at your feet, Jesus, and thank you that you already carried all of it for me on the cross. I thank you in advance for all the open doors and opportunities you are bringing me in Your time. In Jesus name, Amen.
Songs:
Do it Again – Elevation Worship
You’re Not Finished Yet – The Belonging Co.
You Make Me Brave – Bethel Music